Cloud Walking (A Find You in the Dark novella) Read online

  I sighed and my mom had grimaced. “That bad, huh?” she said, reaching out to touch my arm. “What happened?” she asked me and I couldn't help the look of surprise that I gave her. I couldn't remember the last time she and I had a heart to heart about my life. She was either too busy or too exhausted to worry much about what I was doing.

  “You don't need to worry about my boy drama, Mom. Did you just get home from work? You must be tired.” I tried to shift the focus of the conversation elsewhere. I really didn't feel liked rehashing my humiliation from the night before. My mom made a pained expression.

  “I haven't been the best mom lately, have I?” she asked me, gripping her hands tightly together in her lap. I widened my eyes. What in the world brought this on? I was feeling emotionally raw and wasn't entirely sure I could handle this discussion right now.

  “You do the best you can,” I answered diplomatically. But I really meant it. While, yes I did feel bitter and resentful at times, deep down I understood she was doing all that she could for Kaitlyn and me.

  “But sometimes you need more than that.” My mom took one of my hands in hers. “Talk to me, Rachel. Maybe your ol' ma could give you some advice. I know I've made some pretty horrible choices in my life, but I remember what it's like to be young.” Her smile, while weak, was genuine.

  I needed to unload the weight from my heart so badly. Maggie was out of the question. Not with the state of her love life. And I wasn't close enough to anyone else to really talk to them. And I did want to talk to my mother. I wanted to repair that part of our relationship. That part that knew I could come to her no matter what.

  So I told her. All about Daniel. My feelings for him, the seesaw of our relationship. The way he ditched me, once again last night, to go off with Kylie. When I was done, I could feel the tears drying on my cheeks from where they had fallen during my story.

  My mother reached over to my bedside table and grabbed a couple of tissues. She gently rubbed them across my face, wiping the wetness away. “Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.” I leaned my head down until it rested on her shoulder. Her arm came up to wrap around me and she held me tight against her, the same way she had when I was a little girl.

  We were quiet for a while. I soaked up the comfort she so willingly gave me. Finally, she lifted my chin with her fingers. “Rachel, you put everyone and everything above what you want. Your friends, your family. Somewhere along the way you've gotten it in your head that your feelings and wants are second fiddle to what everyone else feels and wants. I know that's my fault. But darling, you are an amazing, loving, loyal girl who should only have the best in life.” My mom's smile was soft as she looked at me and the tears started all over again.

  “I just want to be the only thing he sees. I want to feel like we're walking on clouds when we're together. That I'm the girl he wants,” I whispered, feeling completely bare by my confession.

  “Baby girl, you deserve some cloud walkin'.” I snorted at her statement.

  “Cloud walking, huh?” I teased, feeling a little better from our conversation. I never thought I'd see the day where any sort of advice from my mom would make me feel anything other than annoyed and frustrated. But here we were. Me a mess and her a mess. But together we made a weird sort of sense.

  “Yes, Rach. Cloud walking. And don't settle for anything less,” she had told me firmly.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said and she had left not long after that but I didn't forget what she said. Because it had hit home for me. She was right...I did deserve some cloud walking, darn it!

  Daniel called me about twenty times on Sunday. I had hit ignore each and every time. Maggie had called and I had reluctantly answered. She had been all excited and giddy that she and Clay had decided to take their relationship to the next level.

  There was no point in me trying to talk sense into her. To remind her of the ugly side Clay obviously had. Because she wouldn't have listened. And I was through wasting my breath.

  Monday had been borderline painful. I had never felt lonely at school. I was pretty well liked and Daniel and Maggie were a constant source of company. That had very suddenly changed. I was avoiding Danny like the plague and Maggie was so deeply immersed in Clayton Reed land that I barely saw her.

  Daniel had tracked me down right before lunch. I knew it was only a matter of time until he found me. Though I was proud of how effectively I had avoided him up until then. He came jogging down the hallway toward me and I looked around, wondering if I could make a break for it.

  “Hey, is your phone broken? I've been trying to reach you all weekend,” he said, looking at me with confusion and more than a little hurt in those beautiful blue eyes. No! I would not notice how pretty his stupid eyes were!

  “Nah. I just wasn't feeling too great. Spent the day vegging out in front of the TV,” I lied, forcing myself to look at him blankly. Daniel's face showed concern and he put his hand to my cheek.

  “You feeling better?” he asked softly. His eyes looked into mine and I swear I could feel something different there. But then all I had to do was remember him and Kylie kissing on Saturday and I pulled away.

  “Yeah, I'm fine,” I said, grabbing my lunch and heading toward the cafeteria. Daniel fell into step beside me. His fingers casually brushed mine as we walked and I felt my face get warm. We were about to go into the lunch room when he grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me to a stop.

  “Is that why you left on Saturday without saying anything? Because you were feeling sick? Because you know, I would have taken you home. Hell, I would have made you chicken soup and everything. I can be a good little nurse when I want to.” Daniel's lips quirked in a flirty smile but I couldn't summon my own in response.

  “You were busy. Ray took me, it was no big deal,” I said blandly. I didn't let on at how hurt I had been by him ditching me. I didn't reveal that I had seen Kylie wrapped around him like a vine. No sense in dredging it up.

  Daniel frowned and lifted his hand as though he wanted to touch my face but then dropped it back to his side. “I'm never too busy for you. Look, I'm sorry I left you for a while...but I had to take care of some things,” he explained, his fingers wrapping around my wrist.

  I pulled out of his grasp and looked away. “Yeah, I could see that.” So much for hiding my bitterness. And I had been doing so well too.

  Daniel rubbed the top of his head in agitation. “Rach. Seriously. It's not what it looked like. You see Kylie and I...well...” I held up my hand, cutting him off.

  “Spare me the gory details, please. Let's go eat.” I started to walk into the cafeteria.

  “Rachel, please let me explain,” Daniel pleaded, grabbing for my arm again. Before he could say anything else, we were both pulled up short by the sight that greeted us at our lunch table.

  “What the hell?” Daniel growled. That was a good question. Clay and Maggie sat there, wrapped around each other as though they were one freaking person. Well, this would make for an interesting lunch.

  “Play nice, Danny,” I warned. Daniel had let out a huff but followed me silently to the table. Our earlier conversation had been forgotten as we tried to get used to the fact that Maggie was now part of a “we.” The differences in her were astounding and I tried not to freak out over it. But there was a possessiveness in the way she and Clay were together. A neediness that was a little hard to stomach. It was very obvious that they loved each other. But their love was a little scary. Because it consumed everything around them until that's all either of them saw. They lived in their own little Maggie and Clay world and the rest of us didn't even compute.

  Now that they were officially together, everything else took a back seat. Absolutely everything. The weeks passed and it only got worse. I watched as my best friend slowly become someone else. A girl who's entire world focused on the boy she was with. I never thought I'd see the day Maggie would become that girl. But she was happy. Or at least she claimed to be every time I asked her. But I stopped digging into their relationship, b
ecause she became rabid about it. As though I had no right to go there. Hello! I was supposed to be her best friend! Wasn't that my job?

  Daniel never did finish “explaining” things to me. Okay, so maybe I never really gave him a chance to. But I wasn't sure I wanted to hear whatever he had to tell me. Though I did notice that he and Kylie were decidedly not together. I could only assume that she dropped him...once again. I wanted to feel self-righteously smug about that. But I didn't. I just felt empty.

  So, here we were, three weeks post dance, sitting all together in our strange little group, full of awkward tension. Maggie and Clay were practically in each other's laps while I worked really hard to pretend Danny wasn't two feet away from me. Daniel was obviously way passed trying to make small talk, so he ate in surly silence. I was actually surprised he continued to eat with us, considering he had other friends. Ones that he didn't have this tension with.

  But he staunchly stayed at our table. I guess I had to give him props for that.

  I was trying to choke down my sandwich while not watching as Clay kissed the side of Maggie's neck. Even though, I didn't like the whole obsessive nature of their relationship, even I couldn't deny how at times they were almost beautiful together. The way he brushed the hair off her shoulder so he could put his lips on the skin just below her ear. How she leaned into him, closing her eyes as he whispered something only she could hear.

  I wasn't going all Peeping Tom, I swear. But it was like watching a love story unfold in front of my eyes. If I forgot about the way Maggie seemed to be losing herself to Clay in a way that bordered on unhealthy, I could appreciate the genuine affection between them...even if I didn't like the rest of what I witnessed in their relationship.

  Daniel made a gagging noise and I looked up at him to make sure he was all right. He was giving Maggie and Clay a look of annoyance. “Ugh! Can you guys get a room already?” he bit out. Maggie pulled away from Clay and I saw the look of guilt flash across her face.

  I couldn't resist being a bit of a bitch. “Oh shut it, Daniel. You're just jealous. Just because Kylie has cut you loose...again,” I said a little hatefully. Daniel's eyes met mine and they were anything but warm. They were cold as ice as he curled his lip. I smirked and he looked away. Though my momentary sense of victory was lost as I realized how badly our friendship was suffering.

  I had this horrible feeling that we might never recover from this nasty detour we had taken. My feelings had morphed into nothing but bitterness and anger while Daniel seemed to be pulling away a little more each day. I had never felt so far away from my friends. We had been joined at the hip our entire lives and now we were like three separate spokes on the wheel. Forever circling, never touching. Was this the future of our friendship? To drift apart until nothing remained of the bond we used to have?

  God, what a depressing thought.

  I barely listened as Clay piped up and mentioned going to some cabin. Huh? What was he talking about?

  “Well, Ruby's girlfriend, Lisa has a cabin down by Franklin Lake. Maybe we could go down for the night. Like, say the Saturday after Thanksgiving? I mean, it's really nice. With satellite TV and a huge Jacuzzi tub. It could be a lot of fun.”

  Ugh...a night in a cabin with the touchy-feely couple and Mr. Man of my Dreams/Nightmares. I'm not sure I was up for that. So I tried to get out of it. And then somehow I ended up agreeing. Well, this had the makings of a huge mistake.

  Maggie proceeded to ream both Danny and I out over our lack of effort in making nice with Clay. Whatever...I was trying. Unlike some people (ahem, Daniel). I was always nice to people, even the ones I wasn't so sure about. But I could do smiley happy if I was forced to, I suppose.

  And then things just got crazy. Jake Fitzsimmons sat down and started flirting with Maggie like he always did. It was no secret he'd been trying to get with her for years. Though it was partially Maggie's fault for hooking up with him so many times in the past. Every time she threw him a bone, he amped up his efforts that much more. And Jake wasn't one to care whether she had a boyfriend or not.

  One minute Jake and Maggie were laughing and joking together. The next minute they weren't. And that was because Clay was freaking out. And causing a major scene. Daniel and I glanced at each other with mirrored looks of shock and outrage on our faces. I tried to intervene but even I backed down a bit at the cold and angry look in Clay's eyes.

  After Clay stormed off, Danny and I tried to reason with Maggie. But all she did was defend him.

  “No, everything will be fine. Come on, you guys would be pissed if you saw someone flirting with your boyfriend or girlfriend. He was just surprised is all,” she pleaded with us, trying to make us back off. But how could we? What we had just witnessed wasn't normal.

  Daniel gripped the table and leaned forward, making his words pointed and clear. “ No, I can't say I've ever had that sort of reaction before. I swear, if he ever puts a hand on you...” he began and I could see the vein bulging on the side of his neck. He was really upset and I knew him well enough to know that it was taking a considerable amount of willpower not to go after Clay and beat some sense into him.

  Maggie cut him off. “That's enough, Danny. Clay would never hurt me.”

  Daniel and I looked at each other again. For the first time in weeks, we were on exactly the same page. Maggie left as soon as the bell rang, while Danny and I gathered up our trays. “I seriously want to kick that dude's ass,” Daniel seethed, dumping his trash out.

  He and I walked together to our lockers. “Just calm down, Danny. Using his face as your punching bag won't help anything,” I reasoned. I understood that this had brought out his protective streak and it was going to be hard to rein that back in.

  “That was some messed up shit, Rach. What are we going to do?” Daniel asked, looking helpless. I sighed and leaned against my locker, crossing my arms over my chest. I knew Danny was looking to me for advice. I always had the answer. A way to smooth things over. But this time, I didn't know what to do.

  “If we push her, it'll only make it worse. But we need to keep an eye on things. And if we have to...we go to her parents,” I said, feeling sick at the thought of betraying Maggie like that. But I would do it in a heartbeat if things got any crazier.

  Daniel leaned into my personal space, looking down at me. We were close. Too close and my breath caught in my throat. His eyes were soft as they caressed my face. I felt that look as though it were his fingers on my skin.

  “Love shouldn't make you feel like that. It should be as natural as breathing. It should happen between two people because it grew there out of something beautiful. And it should never make you feel the way Maggie is feeling right now,” he said, his eyes never leaving me. I could tell he wanted to touch me and his eyes never wavered.

  My face grew hot and my heart started to beat fast. The moment that was building became too much and I had to shut it down. We needed to be a strong team for Maggie. And if I started caving to these out of control emotions that only Danny was able to stir up, it would create nothing but problems.

  I moved to the side, putting some distance between us. I cracked a smile and let out a fake snort of laughter. “Wow, when did you get so deep?” I joked, hoping like hell to break the tension that was mounting between us.

  Daniel blinked a few times and then seemed to snap himself out of whatever spell he had been under. His mouth moved upwards in a half smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. “That's me...deep,” he mused, the smile dropping as soon as it appeared. He stared at me for another minute and then rubbed his face with his hand.

  “I'd better get to class,” he said. I nodded.

  “Yeah, me too.” Danny looked at me again and I thought I'd launch myself at him if he continued to stare at me like that.

  “Okay then. I'll talk to you later,” he said finally and with that, walked away. But for a moment...there had been some serious cloud walking going on.

  Chapter Ten

  ~Daniel~

&nbs
p; The evening wasn't going so great. Sure, we were at this amazing cabin in the middle of nowhere, but Maggie had already jumped down my throat for being a “prick” to Rachel. Which was ridiculous because it wasn't my fault Rachel was being so moody. She had barely said two words to me since we had gotten there. And it wasn't getting any better.

  But being the jovial fellow that I am, I was trying to make the best of it. Hell, I'd even attempted some bonding with Clay when we went to the store for provisions. When he wasn't up Maggie's ass, he was actually a pretty cool guy. A dude I might even be friends with. So that was something.

  But then he had to go and start being an ass to Maggie again, which, of course, made her upset. She tried to hide what was going on, but I could see what was brewing. It was the same shit that always went down with them. And it was getting harder and harder not to intervene. I knew Maggie would hate me for it, but this shit was getting out of hand.

  And Rachel...God! I wish I could do something, anything that didn't piss her off. I missed her like crazy. I missed the easy way we were together. The way she always got me, even when I didn't get myself. I missed hanging out with her while she watched her sister and laughing at some stupid television show.